Start by making a NEW list of "I AM's"
We become what we envision and believe.... put your faith in a higher power, even if to start with it's just this board....
Try out "I AM a loving, giving soul deserving happiness"
how about "I AM walking the path of sobriety, recovery, clean-living"
maybe "I AM clean and sober"
or "I AM a model of hope to others who still suffer"
Make a new list.... and begin to live it.
Right now.