karmapuhlease

This might be long, forgive me. I am new and don't know where to turn. I am 27 and trying to get sober for the sake of my well being. When I was a child, I was sexually molested by a family member. I don't have recollections but other family members witnessed the events. The scars emotionally still remain. I grew up a depressed child who relied on eating to make myself feel better. It wasn't until I turned 19 that I discovered alcohol.
Once I graduated high school, I was raped by a good friend. I took to the booze hard. And the marijuana. The cocaine. The extasy. The mushrooms. Thankfully over time I slowed down. I thought I was doing okay. I met who I thought was the love of my life. I weighed close to 400 pounds but had never been happier with this man. We were together for 3 and a half years. The last year we were together I lost almost 200 pounds. My whole out look on life changed. I moved out and broke up with him. I started drinking heavily and going home with what ever man I could, I was finally desirable to the opposite sex. This went on for a year and a half. I moved in to my own apartment in April 2013. I began drinking very heavily by myself every day. I started missing working and family functions. I broke up with my current boyfriend. I quit my job.
On May 21, 2013, I swallowed 100 Tylenol and chased it with a bottle of vodka. I didn't want to live. My mother found my coherent but drunk later that evening. I lied to her and told her I had just been drinking, I honestly thinking that nothing would happen with the Tylenol. God, I was wrong. I was rushed to the ER the next day in the most severe pain I've ever felt. I was admitted into the ICU with a 50% chance of survival. I completely destroyed my liver and kidneys. The next month was the worst of my life. I was life flighted to University of Washington and was on dialysis for a solid amount of time. I was lucky enough to fully recover. I should have came back with a fresh start. Could I do that? No. I started drinking again. I drank to blackout point every night for seven months straight. I woke up one morning last week and realized I need to face these demons head on. I just don't know how to do it without the alcohol. Please, does anyone have any tips? I would be grateful to hear anything