I know you don't want to even think about alanon, but for your sake and the sake of your children who will need help I wish you would give it a try. I didn't much care for the idea at first either and still didn't care for it much after going to several meetings, but I have met some wonderful ladies in my very situation full of wisdom from many years of alanon that have been invaluable support to me. Just my 2 cents..only worth about a cup of coffee..lol
So sorry for what your family is going thru...you all will be ok. Super big 'ole hugs to you!