He walked out today
Well ... rAH (sober since Nov.13th) has been home from rehab since the end of January. Things have been uncomfortable and awkward b/w us since he had come home. Sadly things weren't great before rehab or during - I really shut down while he was away at rehab and there was little communication. I had thought things would get better once he was home and we settled back into a routine. Sadly things haven't gotten better ... we continue to poorly communicate and it was like two strangers living in the same house.
We had talked previously about the possibility of separating but said we'd give it a try first but that there were no promises. He has taken this as "me not loving him" ... so he has moped around for days on end (very much a "woah is me attitude". Last night he didn't come after his meeting ended (at 9pm). I heard him come home around 2:30 am. I asked him this morning what time he got home and asked where he had been. He said he was at the local coffee shop as he can't sleep. Said that because I never talk to him that he can't sleep. So I said that I didn't think this was working between us. I said the feelings had changed and I didn't know if those feelings ever really come back. He didn't say much other than how he does so much work around the house now (he did none before rehab). Anyways an hour later he comes downstairs with his big duffle bag full of his clothes. Didn't say a word to me ... just loaded it in his car. Got his toiletry stuff and left. That was around 9 am. I haven't heard from him since.
At first it was a bit of relief and anger ... but I've had a lot of tears this afternoon too. As much as I had this in my head that this could happen, it still hurts a lot. The lack of even telling me where he was going hurts. I am assuming he is at his sponsors house, but I am not going to chase after him.
So many things to think about and things I am sure I should be doing but I feel kind of lost ... I just had to share. A few friends know what has happened, but that is about it. My girls don't know yet either ... I figure until I know more about what he is doing or where he is I don't need to worry them.