Hang in there Ziggy.
As hard as it is for those of us left behind, sometimes death is the only freedom from the pain and torment of addiction.
I lost my ABF a couple of years ago. Very mixed emotions regarding his passing, and there are memories of better times which I do hold dear. But, the point he had reached before he got sick was literally a living death already. Leaving this world was a release for him, and for me.
Hugs to you.