I got meaner and meaner as the years went on and I was drinking.
I can't really tell you why even now. Just angry and dumping my resentments and fears on my partner.
It was totally wrong and unfair, but I kept doing it until I quit drinking.
I think it happens to many who drink.
I'm glad you have chosen to protect yourself from it.
I regret very much what I did to my husband and have been trying to be extremely kind and respectful since.
I can't take it back, but I can choose this moment how to act.
So could your husband if he chooses to quit and work recovery, but it sounds like he is too busy gaslighting and blaming you which is BS.
I hope your family finds peace and healing. You are making sense. He is not. Please have faith in yourself.