Just now....
After my Abf wanting us to take a break so he could figure out if he wanted to be in a relationship or not, and going NC for a few weeks, we found ourselves hanging out again.
But, still not in a R.
And, tonight, after leaving his house - having him cuddle me and kiss me and tell me how much he appreciates me being around - he goes on to chat with a friend of ours and tells her he will see her again when their inevitable romantic encounter will happen. That the stars and planets have all gotten together to bring them together and it will be a cosmic event. One of amazing proportions.
I have been lying to myself that this partying, alcoholic, insecure man was anything more than that. In my attempt to see the good things about him, I have watered down the bad things like a cheap drink.
He toys with me back and forth...bringing me in so his ego can feed off of the love he knows I have for him...then running away when he feels secure and finds someone with who to stroke his ego even more.
Yes, today is that day when I walk away. I will have to go through and endure the pain I know goes with this...and tell myself I'll be okay.