While I share your feelings of disappointment and frustration, Cleo, I think that I see something that you mentioned almost just in passing. YOU ARE NOT DRINKING!!!!! This is a jewel, a treasure of an achievement that you have done on your own. It can never be taken from you or diminished. As much as you want midwifery, to me it is this that really shows what you are made of.
I have a feeling that other doors will open for you, Cleo, I have every confidence in you.