My biggest fear was that my XAH would kill someone while driving drunk. My next biggest fear was that he would commit suicide if I left him. I remember sharing that with a counselor who said, "Yes, that could happen. It most likely won't." It hit me like a ton of bricks and I finally accepted that yes, it might and it would not be my fault.
Eventually I did divorce my husband. It was the single best thing I have ever done for myself. It's been over three years and he is still alive.
I'm thankful that I finally got up the nerve to leave.