Sometimes it is just a fact that you have to leave some family behind. Your sobriety is wonderful and something to celebrate. It is a fact that some people have a toxic family and that it is useles to try and change them.
You cannot control how they act, only how you react. If keeping your distance is what you have to do, that is how it is. You have to preserve your immediate family, that includes your wife.
Good Luck and God Bless!