NotInControl, try this: imagine you, as you wish to be. What are you like? What do you like to do? Are you happy? Are you confident? Are you generous and kind? How do others see you?
Think on these questions for a while, and then see what you need to do to be that person. I bet that never drinking is part of this picture, and the place to start becoming this person you imagine is to understand this. You may become this person if you choose, but the first step is to understand you can become this person or you can drink, but you cannot do both.