Originally Posted by
zorah 
i'm slipping. i have a year and a half of sobriety due to a great sponsor and meetings. i'm working the steps. but the last two months, i feel like i'm sliding into darkness, my old dark place where i don't give a s--t about anything, especially me. i'm healthier and stronger in some ways, more honest, but my cravings are back; i'm incredibly irritated and restless all the time, angry, pissed at everyone, convinced i'm a victim etc. oh, and my days are so unstructured and dysfunctional i have to fight off self-loathing just to crawl out of bed. i stood and stared at the bountiful offerings in the liquor section of the grocery store, just hypnotized. i'm just telling on myself because i've been keeping this to myself which i know is what the disease wants. my sponsor is away right now too, so i'm feeling kind of alone (i'm not a good joiner and still am not calling people in any of my meetings). so.... if you have any words of wisdom i'm all ears and thanks for listening.
Zorah
Congrats on your year and a half, Zorah. You know, its not always just about 'quitting' after some time has gone by, and you might want to re-examine how change has happened for you in the last 18 months. Too often we can become mired in trying to get so many things right we don't take our own measure of satisfaction on us for having already been busy getting a lot right and being good enough with all that for the time being. The journey is the thing here of value, and not the final destination ie there is no real final destination in life except obvious death, imo.
I don't know you, but your share very well presents as one who is well aware of the dynamics entwined with the sober journey. Many times while earnestly working the steps I have arrived at dark places. Scary stuff. It can sometimes become easy enough to doubt ourselves when the enlightenment is dimmed by the darkness of our trials and troubles. Despair is not a worthy companion while working through our challenges, and so it does take some courage to face down our troubles and make lemonade with the lemons tossed across our paths.
Don't believe that you got this far in your journey by not knowing what your doing. Keep believing in yourself and hold fast to opening up your mind to all the possible right choices to make at this crossroad in your journey. Be brave!
