Hi kittibear welcome to SR, I don't have any answers for you but there will be spmeone along who will help.
Just one thing, my dad drank all of my childhood and I blamed him and hated him for all the rows feArs and upsets in our family. As I got older and my mum died my dad and I got closer and I realised he is a nice guy with an addiction. He too has passed away now but I'm so glad I got to know the real man.