Limbo Phase
I'm in a weird spot today. I know that asking my AH to move out was a positive for me and the kids, so we could begin to restructure our lives for the better, the happy. And honestly, we are happier and our home life is less stressful. There's no more, what kind of setting am I going to come home too, thoughts. It felt like a weight was lifted off of my chest when he moved out.
But, I love this man and want (mostly) for our marriage to work out. (Some days I want him to get better so we can move forward and other days, I just want to say forget it and move on). I have sent LOTS of prayers up, asking what the next steps are. The official answer, so far, is wait, be still and do nothing. OK. I can accept that and just sit back, watch his actions and continue to work on me and structure for the kids.
This is where the no fun limbo phase comes into play. I have my boundaries set, although I'm sure there are more and I just don't know them yet, and he respects me enough to not cross the line. But then there are the grey areas of this whole separation thing. I like it when he's here, not drunk of course, doing the things we've needed him to do. It just feels right. And then there's the whole intimacy between married people issue. I'm a married woman, and am not a cheater, but my husband doesn't live with me. We have had our intimate moments during the 40 days that he's been gone. (I mean, I have needs too. Where else am I supposed to go?)
So, with all this being said, am I undoing the purpose for which I asked him to leave? Am I giving a mixed signal? I feel like I am, but like I said before, where else am I supposed to go?!?!? And how do we work on strengthening our family if he doesn't come over?!? Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!