Originally Posted by
Stung 
Because I'm very self conscious. I seek approval from everyone, everywhere I go. (I'm aware that this is weird, I'm trying to figure it out so I don't pass it to my kids.) Why? Because I have issues. It's why I see a counselor, its probably why I'm married to a man with his own mixed bag of issues. Where does this voice come from? I'm still trying to figure that part out. I'm very much a work in progress but I very aware that I have things I need to work on. That was kind of the whole point of this post. But this stuff apparently happens gradually (super frustrating) and I'd like the path emotional health to be both linear and expedient.
I'm glad you have one handbag, that is probably the healthy way to live! I have many. I have Louis Vuitton bags, Chanel sunglasses, and too many shoes and clothes to even fit in my closet. I'm aware that I'm compensating with my stuff but its what I know. This is how I make myself feel good and this is how I show the rest of the world that I'm just as good as they are too because honestly I don't feel like I am. I don't feel like I belong and I'm constantly trying to prove to everyone and myself that I do.
Honestly, Stung, I don't think it's that unusual. As I've been working through my issues, I've come to the realization that my behaviors all stem from the same core issues: My need for approval, attention, and affirmation. My 3As :p For me, I think those issues stem from feeling neglected as a child. My parents were not critical like your mother, they just were mostly emotionally unavailable. They both came from very dysfunctional families and did not know how to be emotionally supportive parents though have tried very hard to be.
I think it's actually fairly typical to look for approval through 'things' or define our self worth by 'things.' Very common. Just a guess, but I bet more people define their worth by the external than not.
eta: I'm not saying this is a healthy way to live, just that I don't think it's uncommon to feel this way.
I can so relate to all the things you said that I bold faced above, lol. Honestly, Stung, I've heard some variation of all of those mentioned in al-anon by various people. I think more of us can identify with you than you think.
(and maybe why al-anon might just feel like 'home' if you decide to try it.) And ps Stung, you are good enough, smart enough, and nice enough. We like you just fine here. You belong 