Sending hugs, Pudding. All you *have* to do right now is breathe. Then decide what it is that you need.
Originally Posted by
Pudding4242 
How do I keep my promise to myself? I can't live like this anymore.
Remember why you promised yourself this. Don't look to his promises to change. He's promised it before, right?
I had to keep a very clear picture in my mind about what I wanted my home life to look and feel. After a while, I was able to also see the chaos brought into that by allowing AXH into that picture.