To be honest, I don't care if people know that I'm married to an alcoholic. His problem, not mine. That said, I don't go out of my way to announce it. A few select people know, plus a few coworker/friends that I wish I hadn't told but did in weakness (alanon is helping with the verbal vomit problem I had before.) We are divorcing but my standard line will just be that we've grown apart over the years and realize that we're better off apart than together. BUT, if someone finds out or figures out that he's an A, that's fine. Like I said, his problem not mine.
Your husband being an alcoholic is NOT a reflection of your worth! Nor, is it a reflection of your character. It is not because you did something wrong or failed your marriage in any way. It just is.
As for the relationship with an A... ours has always been dysfunctional. That's part of the problem - 2 screwed up children of alcoholics who do not realize how screwed up they are, do not/can not have a functional marriage. But, we were very close the first half of our marriage. Eventually, though, our pattern became exactly what you described: more of a cohabitation than a marriage. When we stopped fighting, we stopped communicating. Sober, he was angry, silent, & sarcastic and I was angry & resentful. Drinking, he was moody & sarcastic and I was still angry & resentful.
There are some women in alanon who are still with their husbands despite them being active As.... but, for me, it's not the kind of marriage I would want. For me, yes, the boundary is NO ALCOHOL. That's one of the many reasons we are divorcing.