I so rarely quote books/movies...but I love the little pep talk from The Help..."You is kind. You is smart. You is important." And you are.
You build your self esteem by taking care of your needs - by allowing yourself to be the first priority in your world. A well taken care of mom is able to take good care of her babies, right? You revel in your successes - making sound financial decisions are HUGE successes!! You challenge yourself to try something you previously thought you couldn't do. You try new things. You keep doing the next right thing - whatever that may be.
Last summer, I literally had a list of things on my bathroom mirror that made me feel good when I did them. Everyday, I marked which one(s) I had done that day. It was awesome to add something new that I found and to see my page fill up with all the good I was doing for myself. I took on a lot of new challenges around my house - I fixed my clothes dryer, did painting projects, replaced a fence post, etc. Stuff that I never would have touched before. I learned new things - about myself as well as things that I could accomplish. It all helped. I feel better, stronger today. I am working on making sure all my needs are met and that my goals are accomplished. While 2013 was a crap year for my marriage, it was a great year for me...it was tough but I feel like it was totally worth what I have been through.
Like FS said in another post, none of this is a straight path...a few steps forward, maybe a step or two back, etc. It does get easier as you go along. All the positive steps start to build on each other. Hope that helps some!