Stung

So a few weeks ago I claimed to have understood what I'm supposed to be doing; that I need to humble myself and see the big picture and basically focus on MY issues. Okay, in theory, I get it. This weekend I decided to put my money where my mouth is and perform a science experiment on myself to test out how much I really do 'get it.'

I decided to downgrade myself from my very luxurious SUV to a no bells and whistles Prius. The Prius is very safe, very reliable, good cargo space, oh, and its super affordable, so no more car payment either. It's a responsible, mature decision and I told myself that if I'm really a badass, then I'll be a badass in my fancy SUV or in a Prius. A car is just a way to transport myself, my kids and our stuff. It says nothing about me or my worth in the world.

Fast forward to the present, I'm now a Prius owner and I feel like a loser everytime I drive my little car. But I don't project my crap on other people, its JUST me. I don't look at other people in their little Priuses and think "you're lame, not good enough" and I don't look at people in fancy SUVs and think that they're better than...I just feel that way about myself.

In conclusion, I'm not sure if I'm actually humbling myself when it's becoming clear that I have pretty low self esteem. How the hell do you build self esteem? Because I have definitely been relying on material things to make myself feel good, and that's not healthy.