Hi, pals)
LifeRecovery - Thank you for your insight, some good food for though for me again. You've touched quite a deep-rooted issue of shame for me. Only recently I've started to think about shame and earlier I had never realized that I have a lot of shame in my life. And most of it shame has little to do with my personality or my actions. My deepest and most painful shame is related to my family - ashamed for being poor, for having such a brother, for a lot of other things that were always out of control. I mean it were things I could never change. This shame goes hand in hand with my habit to feel guilty for everything that goes wrong in any area that somehow happens to be related to my life. And I feel ashamed. It's like if I am wearing a note on my forehead "If you need someone to feel ashamed just for my mere existence, I am the person. Feel free to use me".
I will check the book you've mentioned. This area of my life certainly needs my attention.
And thank you for kind words)
GT - You are right, as usual. I now understand that AVRT is quite basic. And I also realized that I've drifted far away from AVRT itself now. I actually almost stopped doing this.
For some reason again and again I end up engaged in discussions with AV and over complicating all this.
Among other things AV seems to find a perfect breach in my AVRT guard - since binge-eating is not so clear-cut as abandoning sweets, then you can't succeed with it.
It obviously realized its failure convincing me to buy sweets - doesn't matter how bad I feel I just pass by cookies and other stuff like that. But it holds tight to overeating. And I have to be supervigilant because it now makes some tries to re-start my sweet addiction again. Like "Come on, it's insane not to eat sweets. You've done more than three months without them. You are fine".
The simpliest things are often the hardest. AVRT is basic, but somehow AV is constantly fooling me. But I don't give up.
It's me who has the power, not AV after all.
See you all.
Have a great day)