Actually when I read the post (above) about when AV comes out what struck me was how hard it is to fight that "demon" for me. It is the "voice" that gets me into trouble....and the results are the behaviors I don't like afterwards.
Luckily as my recovery has progressed it is not such a harsh voice and it does not come to visit as much. For me (again not knowing much about AV stuff) it has been about decreasing those negative messages I give myself....thus decreasing the chain reactions.
For me it was the act of sharing....it was the act of shining a light on my secrets that decreased the "crazy-making" thinking. I found many outlets for that....and different ones helped at different times.
Have you heard of Brene Brown and her work? She has a number of TED Talks on shame....and how to work through the shame. I see the mediation, your dedication and sharing here etc as shining the light on those hurt pieces so they don't keep weighing you down.
I see the parts where you view yourself as "failing" as loading up more shame which for me gets me all sorts of geared up to get into trouble, because it bring back all those hard, painful memories about being a kid, when I thought it was all my fault etc.
You are not a bad person because you had a bad day.