My husband has quit many times during our marriage and his almost 30 years of drinking. He will quit anywhere from a few weeks to a year at a time. He always starts back though. And, the thing is, it always escalates. He'll quit. After a while, he'll decide to drink again, just "less." And, he does drink less... for a while but something will happen (a party where he'll drink too much, or a stressor that will "cause" him to drink too much, or... just life) and pretty soon he'll be drinking as much or more than he was when he quit. I don't know if that means he's not an alcoholic or not? Maybe he just abuses alcohol, I don't know. I've struggled with this question for months. I feel like I go around and around. These sets of behavior will speak to addiction... these not so much.
In the end, I don't think it matters whether he's an alcoholic or not. The end result is the same. It affects our family negatively. He's moody, depressed, withdrawn, or angry, verbally abusive, and on a rare occasion, physically abusive during his heavy drinking cycles (which are more frequent than his non drinking cycles.) For his sake, I hope he's just abusing alcohol and is not really addicted. However, for me and the children, addiction would almost be better because the alternative is that he's
choosing the alcohol over us. He is moving out in a couple of weeks. I am sad now... but I know the kids and I will have a more peaceful home long-term.
I'd ask you the same thing. Does it really matter if it's an addiction or not? I think maybe not. If she quits and doesn't start back up then great! You have a sober wife
If, however, like my husband, she starts drinking heavily again, does it matter if it's an addiction or a choice if the end result is the same? Dysfunction is dysfunction regardless of the reason.