grey out / black out
over the years i have had a lot of passing out, falling asleep on the couch, or watching TV and everything looking quite blurry ... i've had nights out at friends house or bar or party and some of the details and conversations were fuzzy but i could gradually piece it back together the next day. i don't think these are blackouts - just a bit grey / fuzzy
2 months ago i had something entirely different ... i hadnt had a drink in about 2 weeks and it was thanksgiving and i love to drink while i cook so i had 1 glass of wine because i "deserved" that and i was just going to have one more with dinner ... and i ended up having a lot maybe 8 or 9 glasses and then ...
... i'm a little uncomfortable, stiff, oh jeez, i have been sleeping on the powder room floor, twisted up a bit funny on the tile floor, in my clothes - so i get up go out into the kitchen, its dark, everyone is sleeping upstairs, its 2am - and i have zero idea how i got to the bathroom or what possessed me to lay on the floor - i don't think i fell because i was sort of perfectly wedged between the toilet and the wall. i don't remember going into the bathroom - heck i don't even remember what is the last think i remember. i think that was my first real blackout - like there is some chunk of time that is completely missing from the database
... i'm guessing this is a proper blackout - i'm ashamed even writing this because after that incident i still got drunk several more times - i somehow rationalized that i shouldnt worry too much about it, that it only happened at home, that i didnt even feel bad or hung over the next day (as if that was a good or normal thing!)
I'm really curious how things progress from there ... does blackout happen more often and in are you actually awake, saying and doing things while you are blacked out?
sorry if i'm rambling, but writing this all down is really helping me in my resolve to never go back there!