Originally Posted by ChangingMyself

The cutting could indicate the existence of an additional problem; self-mutilation (such as cutting) is one of the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and substance abuse is common in those suffering from BPD.

My abf exhibits many traits of BPD though not self-mutilation (in the form of cutting though his alcoholism is of course very self-destructive). Namely extreme emotional/verbal abuse and "splitting" (tendency to see things/people in black/white i.e. all good or all bad); he also has deep abandonment issues which he acknowledges.

To cope with the outfall of the abuse, the books Tears and Healing and Meaning from Madness have helped me greatly (both of these specifically address the so-called abusive personality disorders (including Borderline)). Also the Stop Walking on Eggshells book and workbook which were developed from the online support group (Welcome to Oz) for those with BPDs in their lives (these resources can be found through BPD Central - a dot-com). Tears and Healing and the author's other titles are available online from the Tears and Healing web site - also a dot-com (I am unable to post links). Tears and Healing also specifically deals with the issues involving decisions whether to leave or stay when marriage and children are involved (the author is a male who was married to a dually diagnosed BPD/alcoholic).

Though educating myself about BPD has been helpful for me in coping with my bf's behaviors, most professionals would probably agree that substance abuse must be addressed before any co-existing mental issues can be dealt with. And raising the possibility of BPD to a loved one who may be suffering from the disorder is not advised (this is explained in Stop Walking on Eggshells). The Tears and Healing series are useful for anyone suffering from the abusive behaviors caused by personality disorders and/or substance abuse/alcoholism alone (though not all alcoholics are abusive, many are); many of these behaviors (whether caused by a personality disorder or substance abuse) are similar and often impossible to distinguish.