This all sounds like a good opportunity for your SD to learn that other people cannot be controlled. As much as we think we know what they should or shouldn't do, or what is and is not best for them, everyone has to learn things at their own pace. The only thing we can do is set our own boundaries for what we will and will not tolerate, and lower our expectations of others who are not in a place to be all that they can be. It is unfortunate and sad that her mother and grandmother cannot seem to prioritize her feelings; I am certainly relieved that she has you and your husband around and can be confident she is loved and cared for. in the long run, whether her mother stays sober or your husband's mother ever comes around, your love and care will make all of the difference.