Hi Stung;
I can relate really well to the signs the booze leaves on the body.
When I was drinking I was so bloated and blotchy I couldn't stand the sight of myself in the mirror, let alone wanting someone else to see it.
Now my spouse (whom I still live with) still has that alcohol bloat going but it isn't as bad as mine was.
His is also triggered by dietary things, but the drinking is clearly writ on his face since it affects his sleep and he has a haggard look after he drinks a lot.
He tends to eat what he shouldn't and too much of it while drinking too, so that has in turn contributed to his weight gain.
This is all putting up his blood pressure and I'm pretty upset about it all to tell the truth.
His clothing doesn't fit, he has low self-esteem as a result, and he has to struggle and strain to do everything.
He is not at his most attractive right now, and though I do love him, I can't just "look past" what he is doing to himself because it also hurts me.
I don't care if he looks like Brad Pitt, but he is always so careful to trim his beard and hair and keep his nails cut and clean.
But the big issues--the bloating, the bags under his eyes, the poor diet--are very much linked to the alcohol.
It really bothers me that he doesn't take active steps to care for himself.
So I send you a big hug. Seeing this on him after 19 years together brings home the long road we've both been on.
I am on the path to finding myself again, and it hurts that he doesn't seem to want to find himself right now. His body is saying this as clearly as words to me.
Maybe the same is happening to you--you see what was, and what is, and most likely where it is going. That can't be easy.