I think you could be looking at more than appearance when you say he grosses you out. At least it is how I feel at times. My husband could be considered attractive by other women even though he has a slight pudge and the ruddy looking face.
I don't really consider that shallow and I don't think it is what you meant. Again, this is my opinon. When you "said" that tho, I totally understood what you meant.
Just keep posting what you are thinking and feeling. After all, this place is what its all about.