Originally Posted by
ShootingStar1 
Why not just accept that you don't trust him?
No more emotional internal discussion, dissection, back and forth, guilt because he's trying, blame because he doesn't succeed, self-doubt because maybe if you were better, more fully alanon-ized you could and would trust him....
What is is what is. You don't trust him. Period.
Let it go.
Live your OWN life.
Check back in on your feelings in a month, or 3 months.
It might really be a good idea to just find a place, any old place and separate. Board your dog with a friend.
Get into your OWN space, your OWN life.
The real issue for us all is "Who are WE? Who do WE want to be? What brings us JOY?"
ShootingStar1
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I woke up in a better place today. Whether I am stuck here for a while or whether I find my own place, I can still live my OWN life so, for now, that is what I need to do. I know that, and in my heart I know that even more than in my head. I sometimes follow what my brain says more than what my heart says because I'm too practical and analytical.