Originally Posted by
lizatola 
Did you read my last post, LOL? EVERY SINGLE DAY. I get up and read my Courage to Change. I take notes on it, I meditate on the reading if I think it fits me or applies to my life. I do my step work (currently moving through 8 to 9). I spent so much time on steps 4-5 that I felt stuck there, too, for a while because I picked myself apart back then too. It was very easy for me to write down my character defects. I know I am missing something, my freaking brain is not wired for this stuff or something. I did not set out in this marriage to become a martyr or a victim, but that is exactly where I am at and I do NOT enjoy it.
Oh so sorry. Probably had the text window open over it.
Yeah, that DOES seem whacked. Not you, per se -- Just the lack of "Happy, Joyous and Free" showing up in your head and heart about now. Maybe after 9? Truly dunno. You are ahead of me.
One thing that keeps my wandering compass aligned on True God North is prayer stuff. Guess you may have heard my ignorant pride and competitive story about that?
I was annoyed with the Muslim guys I work and have gone to school with. They are all better "Christians" than I am. So I studied (and studied) the difference. Only real difference I found was that they prayed 5 times a day, and most I did was pray morning and night.
So I set my phone alarm for 8 am, noon and 4 pm. Now I pray 5 times a day, and the funny thing was other folks would hear my alarm go off, and ask about, I would tell them the goofy thing I was (still am) doing, and they would start praying with me, too.
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Now I have like this "spiritual bug-zapper" going in my head. [yeah I know this sounds crazy . . . but it is totally for real] It seems now every time I am getting the beat-down or negative or low-self-esteem stuff, I hear (yes, actually really hear) this "Angel Voice" go off in my head . . .
"Yes, but God loves him."
Just boom and zap and that is it. Anymore, I do not even see or comprehend what the bad thought or low-self-esteem thing is or was before it is shot right out of my head.
So maybe pile in some bonus rounds on the prayers stuff?
Always a good thing. Maybe some Step 11 prayer type stuff on the way.
Yunno, Pray Only for Understanding and Knowledge of His Will in Your Life.
Take your nap and see what you see.
Earnest Prayer does not return Void.