Originally Posted by
redatlanta 
Honestly Liz I stay very confused reading your situation. Had to review I have been gone a couple of months.
Its always a tug' o war - you get to the point of moving out then you stay. He's and ******* then he is nice. He says he will change, and does for periods of time, then reverts.
No wonder you are confused. You stay on a constant roller coaster at 70 mph. There is nothing that seems to be consistent other than the inconsistency that exists in your marriage.
You need to somehow find something that remains steady in your life - not about your AH. Just continue to work your own recovery, must get to the point where you trust your own self.
Hopefully AH will continue on the path he is on now as well.
And, what you said is exactly where I get stuck: trusting myself. I don't trust myself and I'm trying to figure out how to do just that.
Technically, I'm the crazy one in this relationship and I never would have said that a few years ago. I've allowed myself to spiral downwards and I'm just so damn tired of trying to claw my way to the top. I feel like I do all the right things when it comes to my recovery: attending Al Anon meetings, calling friends from program and not isolating myself, working on improving my friendships, communicating and being brutally honest with my sponsor, journaling, praying, and praying some more. Learning how to meditate and quiet my mind and spirit, etc. Maybe I'm just frustrated because my timing is NOT supposed to take this long and I'm at my own self-constructed wall. Quite frankly, I'm just tired of ME.