Honestly Liz I stay very confused reading your situation. Had to review I have been gone a couple of months.
Its always a tug' o war - you get to the point of moving out then you stay. He's and ******* then he is nice. He says he will change, and does for periods of time, then reverts.
No wonder you are confused. You stay on a constant roller coaster at 70 mph. There is nothing that seems to be consistent other than the inconsistency that exists in your marriage.
You need to somehow find something that remains steady in your life - not about your AH. Just continue to work your own recovery, must get to the point where you trust your own self.
Hopefully AH will continue on the path he is on now as well.