Originally Posted by
lizatola 
Some days I am brought to tears when I think of how far I still have to go.
Some days I think I've come a long ways in my program and am I'm in a pretty good place. Other days I think that my defects of character are hopeless.
I'm not much of a "higher power" guy, but I hold onto the belief that my higher power loves me
unconditionally. Unconditionally. No matter what I screw up today, it's OK. Warts and all, I'm loved.
So my higher power loves me...and my job is to learn to love myself. That's hard. I'm am not there yet.
You've heard the expression: "you can't give what you don't have?" Until I learn to love
myself I can't (truly) love others. I can't fully love my children or my AW or my friends or anyone. I can try. I can do my best. But until I learn to love myself, unconditionally,
of course I'm going to have relationship problems! Relationship are hard.
I could have left my AW. God knows I was ready. Really it wasn't until I was absolutely ready to leave my AW that I got her into rehab. Weird, huh?
Of course then I figured I'd stick around awhile, support her recovery, wait 'till she got her feet under her.... It didn't quite work out like I planned it (and I'm grateful for that).
I could have left, and I wouldn't have had to deal with all the continuing relationship issues (including intimacy). But spiritually, I think I'd still be stuck in exactly the same place I was 3 1/2 years ago, before rehab. And that would be a tragedy. Running away from my problems does nothing to
solve my problems. It just sets them aside.
Be grateful for the difficult people in your life, they help you grow.