I think during early recovery, the RA IS genuine in what they intend to do, stay sober, keep their family intact, etc. But when the call of the bottle is too strong, and they give in, all their best intentions go out the window. My RAH is 3 months sober, and I'm not holding my breath. I am too, accepting crumbs in place of a real marriage. Aren't we used to that already though? I know I deserve better. He is also not in AA and is white knuckling it, being moody, quiet, but is taking vitamins, eating better, getting exercise, for whatever that's worth. He needs to work some sort of program or have a treatment plan (counseling) but he won't. I feel as if we take these crumbs of normalcy and because we are not dealing with the monster drunk at the moment, things seem...um, better? I guess when you're married to a raging alcoholic, when he stops getting drunk, anything seems better. But we do deserve more than this. I did not dream of marriage and family being like this, accepting crumbs from my husband and convincing myself that it's enough. It's not. But we're still married, and have 3 young kids who adore their dad. I guess we sit and wait for the other shoe to drop. I wish there was a crystal ball to tell us the future so we could decide to stay or go.