dandylion, agreed.
also, detachment, no contact and YEARS away from A craziness help to restore sanity and really see just how nuts and unhealthy all that stuff is/was.
for me i now see A's as having more of a mental illness (i.e. compulsion) than i did years ago. for this i feel badly for them. however, for people who continue to lie and harm others, knowing somewhere inside that what they are doing it wrong/hurtful, i have no compassion anymore. for me there is a line that is drawn between feeling sorry for someone and holding that person accountable for their dishonest behavior. i don't know as i don't have it all worked out yet. maybe never will, but i am much more comfortable now than i was years ago and that is what is important.