Thanks guys, no face to face support yet, I had seen a counsellor on and off over the years. Have been looking to see when a local AA meeting is on but small town syndrome gets to me so not sure if I'd ever go to one.
Totally get the "deals" though mine had started at the beginning of November and just been escalating since. I don't socialise much so most of my drinking is done at home, mainly by myself. My hubby is a social drinker but he is quite happy to come home after work or on a weekend and have a couple of beers and that's enough for him. Whereas normally once I start drinking that's it, I don't stop until I've drunk the whole bottle of bourbon or I pass out from being too drunk n stoned.
I guess I've been reminiscing back to when I was an outgoing person and yes was always drinking but never to the extent I have over the last 10 years. Now I can't handle big crowds, I backed out of a cousins 21st because I knew there was going to be heaps of ppl there and instead chose to sit with 5 ppl and drink all night long. I know I will be copping a mouthful from the family when I see them and have been avoiding them as I know once they start on me I will want to get drunk to compress the emotions.