Originally Posted by
Hopeworks 
It's interesting that he keeps asking what you want. Manipulative people will glean information from their date or object of affection and "chameleon" themselves to win the prize.
Yeah, well, so do
codependent people.
{Raises hand shyly} The old saying is that if you scratch an alcoholic, you'll an Al-Anoner underneath--and by that I think the meaning is that alcoholism often hides a whole range of psychological problems.
As the Al-Anoner in my family, I'm thoroughly aware that I have a host of personal issues that I get to work on...and I'm aware that I have issues that I'm not even aware of yet that I'll get to work on in the future. Progress not perfection.
The advice that you "proceed with great caution" is (in my humble opinion) the exact opposite of what I get from Al-Anon which is that I need to "let go". I need to stop worrying about the things I have no control over and keep the focus on myself. I think
m1k3 hit the nail on the head when he said:
"...the only time when I knew change was genuine was when it was mine."
For what its worth, I really like the sticky on
"Letting Go" in the Spirituality section of SR.