liz, I know our stories and situations are quite different but what I keep coming up against in your story is how often your husband CHANGES his actions and behaviors....there is no consistency, no true HIM.
from the day I met hank til now he has at his essence been the same......funny, risqué, gentle, manly, selfish, caring. even during the dang shared crack days....ok nobody is themselves while SMOKING crack, but before, after, he never lost himself, or turned into some hostile overbearing jackass. he has never abused me in any way, thru word or deed...he has never degraded or defamed me, never beat down or humiliated me.
my point is I've never had to be SUSPECT of him ACTING nice....and what that might mean. even when 10 years ago I was seriously threatening to leave, get my own place, get away from him.....he didn't change how he treated me.....he said if that is what you need to do....can't stop ya.
you haven't left yet....he's still got time to try and woo you into staying. but even if.........is it enough?