Im so sorry you are in pain tonight. I know those text conversations had to be painful reminders, opening up the door to a flood of emotions. But I think your time spent these months getting to know yourself has given you some really good insight. Its not about them, and any of their stuff. It truly is about us. Knowing who we are, liking ourselves, and staying true to our core self.
I went through a lot with my husband when he was addicted; we were separated for a good chunk of time. I made more mistakes when I was on my own and it was easy to blame him because of course all would have been fine in my life if he had never done this, or that.... but I learned I had to take responsibility for what I allowed into my life, and if I didn't like myself, or things I was doing then I had the ability to change, and that is what I set out to do.
That realization was the beginning of my healing from the past, forgiving myself and him , & moving on towards positive things in my life. I hope many good things come your way in the New Year. Keep moving forward & making healthy choices for you; it wont always hurt so much
Thank you for sharing with us. I think your post has great insight & a wonderful message for all of us to remember especially as we approach the New Year.