Hello:
I have been round and round with one woman for 20 years, my XAW from whom I am now divorced. I've been moved out for over 18 months while still quite involved with logistics like finalizing the divorce, selling out house, and getting her into an apartment. She continues to drink and comes close to dying in a hospital 1-2x per year.
The point of this post, is to say thank you SR for highlighting a e book called Releasing a Person by Kathryn Allen, which is on Amazon. I downloaded it and read the short book, including:
- writing down my misconceptions about love and relationships (ie love hurts, love lies, love is not faithful) on pieces of paper and then burning the paper
- meeting with her in my mind, saying what I needed to say, and saying "I release you to your greater good" which for me means the hands of God because I am a Christian (the book is more new age but whatever). I cried for like an hour. Good byes are sad.
- starting a soul mate journal with thoughts of what my real soul mate looks like.
- opening my heart to love
So the key breakthrough was realizing XAW is not, was not, my soul mate. Soul mates don't make you feel like crap for 3 years straight. Quite a realization but it was actually the first time I was like, what the heck have I been thinking and how long am I supposed to hold onto this person?
So I had been shut down from women and love for 2 years, zero, and I have not been with any woman but XAW in 20 years.
And now everything has changed. Totally changed. Like night and day. In less than 3 weeks.
With my heart open for love, I joined 2 online dating sites and put up a heartfelt and honest profile, emphasizing my goal of finding some who is strong, smart, funny, easy going, responsible and Christian. From that moment forward I have been floating around like a teenage boy who is getting to take one of the pretty girls to prom.
I have had 3 dates with a 4th lined up, I have a date for New Year's Eve and my outlook on life and love has gone from zero to sixty. Probably more than 60 because I am feeling things like a pounding heart and sweaty palms, that I haven't felt in years, and I am enjoying the heck out of it.
It all started one one day 3 weeks ago, reading SR. Thank you SR, what would I do without you!
