Thank you!
Thank you, everyone, who has replied to my situation. I am so so grateful. Really, there are no words.
As for my therapist, she is unavailable until the 6th. She really is great. I did call and got referred to the crisis line. It wasn't helpful. I kept thinking about how I felt when my mom died when I was 10. I watched it. My first episode involving PTSD. I know what that feels like and the only thing that kept me here was KNOWING that I could never do THAT to my girls.
Some kind soul sent me a link to wso-naranon. I checked there and found a NEW meeting in my area. I talked to the chair, who was so very kind, and now have a stepping off point to healing and support. At this point, I'll welcome with open arms all the support I can get. I want to heal, I want to have a life and I don't want to care anymore about things that I cannot change.
Thank you all for your open-heartedness. You all are a great blessing to those of us in need.