Thanks for all your comments and the links-good reading. Lots of people with great insights here. I am feeling better-had time to reflect on a convo with hubby last night that in the moment didn't feel good, but has ultimately given better perspective to each of us, I think, good therapy appointment, and good reading here.
Read chapter 1 of the other book I ordered and ordered CoNoMore and read Chapter 1 also-see parts of myself in the examples. Reading SR while hubby reads the big book. Agree that time is needed for the US stuff, so might as well work on me in the meantime. I am still resisting the codie label and resenting "needing" to go to al anon, but I need to get over that, too. Has been helpful reading here that others have felt similarly, yet really found value in going. I asked hubby to stay open to help when he went to rehab, and have certainly learned some hard lessons about being open to help and willing to ask for help for myself in the past couple weeks post-accident, so time to embrace them and employ them now, I guess! I'm actually starting to believe this is all going to be good for me, which is probably a positive.
Thanks again!