Each time I start to get upset over AH not being there for me, I remember a post on this board about how an addict is unable to be there and I let go of it. I had my appendix out one year and AH was gone for work, and yes, drinking. Two weeks later and involved in his life, he kept forgetting I'd had an operation. A year later, he looked at my scar one day and asked what happened. Yep, totally forgot about it, like it never even happened. That one I have to keep letting go of. He was unable to give anything of himself then and in his mind I was taken care of and so he wasn't required to be there -- I told him that; my mom was visiting and stayed for a couple days to take care of me -- that's my own part in it. Telling people I don't need help. I sent her home before I should have, too. I'm just now starting (barely) to learn to build a support network around me so it's not all on him and me.
AH is newly sober (again - 10 days or so now) and is going to IP rehab tomorrow. Today has been super tough. I'm still not sure he'll be going in and sticking with the 4 weeks, or if he has the right mind-set for it at all. Several times he's said he wants to get better and knows he needs help, yet today he's been trying to think of ways out. It's posts like yours that help me realize how tough it's still going to be for a long time. One day at a time. Buy the book. It can't hurt. I haven't read it either, but maybe I should put it on my list. Family week in 2 weeks is bound to be interesting, whether or not I'm ready for it, it's coming up soon. Start building a support network, build up your mind, body and spirit, and then work on rebuilding your marriage. We're here with you. Prayers and good thoughts being sent your way. ((((hugs))))