Originally Posted by
Booo 
I must not be clear. I feel like I am picking a fight with you all. Am I?
I am working on me. I read a LOT both a related books and relaxing vacation trash.
I am not offering to help. In fact, My recent words are "I am not your bottle police" "I am not your master" "I am not your controller" "I am not in charge of your drinking", and most recently "no, I can't help you quit, that's on you"
So when I come upon a book that is based on science and not god (because he is an atheist) I wonder if he knows about it and if I am being an aZZ withholding info.
We are days more in a semi isolated location where the main pastime seems to be drinking. He is not drinking, for a week now, but he is white knuckling because right now there's not much else he can do that I am awre of or asking about.
I have known alcoholism my whole life. I grew up with an unopened copy of the big book in my childhood home. Too much for my father to deal with.
I keep asking becaue the reviews are mixed so I will make up my mind after more pondering,
If everyone said NO don't do it I would not do it
As everyone says stop counting the bottles and I have stopped that, this would be simple.
Sigh. But What is? Rotfl.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a wonderful day!
I gave this book to my husband BOOO and it was suggested by the addiction doctor we both work with. I ordered several books online even though he was of course capable. Who really cares ? UNLESS you have a problem in terms of your own codependency where YOU feel YOU will suffer emotionally from your efforts. YOU will be angry if he doesnt read them, or doesnt like them. YOU will sulk and suffer and regret the action. YOU cant control what he does with the books, or any of that, and that is what I would use your tools of alanon to focus on. Your reaction and nothing more.
I strongly disagree that we have no impact on other people. Look at this forum, why do we post? To have impact on other people, to share our experiences, what we read, and our opinions. WE cannot control what other members do with our shares, but our intent is still to help other people.
My husband ONLY started seeing the addiction doctor because I started seeing him first. I went to him to ask for help, to teach me about addiction, to tell me what I could do to help him. He is not a purely into AA concepts, and guess what? He said yes, there are things you can do. IF YOU WANT TO DO THEM. but he added there are no guarantees what will come of the fruits of your labor.
I tried alanon, did the six and there are some things I found helpful but I also disagree with a lot of the principles like suggesting it might be unhealthy to give a book even though he asked you for help, because that makes you codependent. I disagree with that line of thought. Its UP TO YOU TO DECIDE IF YOUR ACTIONS ARE CAUSING YOU A PROBLEM, **OR** IF YOUR ACTIONS TOWARDS HIM ARE CAUSING HIM A PROBLEM, OR A PROBLEM WITHIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Its not automatic because people are all different.
If I was overweight and had asked my husband for help, and he gave me a gym membership, or healthy cookbooks, exercise dvd's, I would not be offended or think he had a codependency problem. It might not be the DVD I would have picked out but I would appreciate his effort, and I might watch it , try it and it might bet my booty in gear. Who knows? My only issue would be if HE GOT HURT, ANGRY, RESENTFUL of the $40 bucks he spent or whatever, IF I didnt lose the weight, or even ever play the DVD. and I should add I am OVERWEIGHT because Im pregnant so its a topic I can relate to very well at the moment.
When I started seeing the addiction doctor, I began reading at home and slowly commenting on what I was learning. He became drawn in and I did not push it on him. I learned moments when I could share and moments when it wasnt going to be receptive. He has completely stopped the drugs for months now, but is still drinking. He is in therapy and things have got better. Its a work in progress right now is all I can say.
I would also suggest some of the books on Rational Recovery or Smart Recovery. My husband is not using AA for his own personal reasons, and Im ok with that.
Im sorry I am now writing a novel, but I dont think you will get a 100% consensus and I wanted to share my experience with you. YOU DECIDE FOR YOU, I think one of the most important ways to get over codependency is to think for yourself and know yourself.