Dear Booo--you say that you feel like you are "picking a fight". I can see where you probably feel like this is a "debate" of sorts---between you and others on the forum--as you are discussing what you feel, deeply, is the best way to proceed in influencing your significant other toward sobriety. I get that you see the drinking as a dangerous thing and you want to stop it. (actually, I think that all of us wanted to do that with our alcoholics).
I don't blame you for wanted it stopped. I know I did. I'' bet everyone, here, who reads your posts can identify with how you are feeling, right n ow. Most of us are, or have been, quite co-dependent at some time in our relationships. We know how it feels to feel that we MUST control the uncontrollable (and alcoholism in another is uncontrollable). Often we say "I know I can't CONTROL him---but, I will bring all my powers of INFLUENCE--and, eventually, he will see the logic--and a lightbulb will come on--and he will want to stop. The problem is...LOL...is that drinking is the most logical thing that an alcoholic can think to do. Reality for the alcoholic is very different from the logic of a non-alcoholic.
On this very subject--the best material that I have read (bar none, for me) is a series of articles written by Floyd P. Garrett, M.D. Of particular interest, is the one titled: "Addiction, lies, & Relationships". Another 2, explain how the alcoholic mind works (psychologically). Also, "Excuses Alcoholics Make". You can find these articles--if you are interested--by doing a google search. There is also a website---www.bma-wellness.com that carries his articles. Those helped me soo much to understand where my alcoholics were coming from---and took so much of the burden, that I felt I had to carry, off my shoulders.
Don't worry about "picking a fight"----cause we don't look at it that way. Lots of people have considerable cognitive dissonance with some of the responses that they get to their origional posts when they first come here. Geesh--some, even go away mad!!
I sure can't promise that you will like or agree with every post that you recieve on here---every person is different in how they communicate their experiences and beliefs.
I do believe, however, that the overwhelming majority of people who take the time to respond have one main goal--and, that is to help others who are walking in the shoes that they have, or, are still walking in. Most are compassionate and tolerant and want to help.
About the book--as I said, in a previous post---you feel strongly that you want to give it to him---that is o.k.--I say, give it to him if you want to. It won't hurt him, if you do.
(my personal opinion). Hel*, I gave my alcoholics tons of books!!!
One thing that has helped me---is the instruction regarding a forum (or group)--take what works and leave the rest. I have had to use that advice many times...LOL...LOL...
dandylion