Sad about separating, don't know why.
It looks like we are really going ahead with this separation. Of course now that we've decided that, we aren't arguing at all and our house is peaceful. That's good, because I wanted Christmas to be nice for the boys. We're still going to my parents' tomorrow to spend time with my family after we open presents.
I am all over the place with my emotions - crying one minute (only when I'm alone), feeling hopeful once I compose myself. I'm SCARED in a lot of ways. The boys will be with me primarily and see their dad as much as possible. The thing is, I kind of KNOW he's going to be a better person when we separate. I think he'll be a better dad, and I think he's ready to become a better man, but he has a lot of work ahead of him and time will tell if he's ready/willing to do it. I KNOW this is the right thing for the boys. But then I also keep thinking about how sad it is that we failed at this (then again, as he admits, he's caused 99% of our problems). I keep imagining what it will be like when it's the last night we spend as a family in this house. Those things just tear me up and make me so sad.
How do you emotionally separate yourself? Do you just focus on the bad? To be fair, most of the last several months has been bad. I know part of me is sad about losing something that wasn't that great to begin with. We had some great moments, but a lot of icky moments too. I'm so used to having him around and having him to talk to. Although like I said, his mood swings over the last few months have made it harder and harder to talk to him. He has also been hard on me, which makes me not want to spend a lot of time with him.
Is a year a good amount of time to do this? I see a lot of marriage counselors recommend six months. I just feel that with his problems, six months wouldn't possibly be long enough. I guess I'm just afraid that after a year, we will grow even further apart and there will be no going back. But maybe that's a good thing.