BoxinRotz, I missed your first post earlier. I very much relate to your situation. BUT, I'm a little younger than you. And I do want to go to concerts, I want to go out to dinner, I like dancing and having fun. I like doing those things with my sober husband. I'm really sad that I may never be able to do those things with him again.
Additionally, what I wrestle with is two fold.
1. I feel like if I don't stand my ground now, that I'm sending a message that what he did was okay or forgiven. It is not. I, personally, need amends to be made and he's not at a point where he can do that yet. Also, I think you and Poh have a quality that I admire very much, you can let things roll off your back. I can't. That's just not in my nature, whether that's right or wrong, I don't know. I'm just not one of those people.
2. How ever your hubby cut his alcoholic/toxic family out of his life, I'm sure it was his decision. I need my husband to make that decision on his own and he may want to keep them in his life even if I don't want them in mine. I don't want to ask him to cut people out of his life for me. That's not healthy and its not fair and on the flip side, I don't want to have people in my life who I feel have proven that they don't care about me or my children. Which was initially what my whole post was about. I try very hard to not nag my husband, and I don't want to control him, however I do like to control my own surroundings and the people I do allow in my life.
But that's a moot point for now. I'm happy with where things are at this moment in time.