Hugs, Emmy. Gosh, you need about a billion hugs right now!
That interaction you posted is so familiar to me, it's extremely frustrating and confusing. For a long time, I wondered if I was the crazy one. Or, maybe I was just missing an important piece of the puzzle that would turn my perspective of the situation on its head. At some point though, the dialogue became absurd. Really no other word for it. And, I realized his brain had completely melted. The wires were so mixed up in there that he was just incapable of maintaining simple memories, understanding cause / effect, or problem-solving anything rationally. It was at that point, I started to grieve the loss of my husband. He had abandoned me, but in the most aggressive and antagonistic of ways. I needed to stop engaging with him. That was the only way I could protect myself from his abuse and to keep the interaction from escalating.
After a time, I came to understand that my mere existence in his life was actually enabling his behavior, because I was his scapegoat. So, I left. I did it to try to help him, to remove myself as his scapegoat for all things bad in his life, but he just found another one. When I left, I was scared and heartbroken, confused and disoriented. But, slowly, my eyes were opening to the truth of my situation. I was not the crazy one, and he had left me long before I got desparate enough to try leaving him. (BTW, my life is much more peaceful and fulfilling now!)
Emmy, have you been to AlAnon, or read any of the AlAnon literature? Have you read the threads on "Quackers"? You will save some of your sanity if you learn to recognize when your AH is blowing steam your way. Do not engage in the dialogue during those moments. Do not rebut his ridiculous verbal attacks and blameshifting. Walk away. And, try not to take it personally. You could be Queen of Sheba and he would still treat you the same way. You are his current scapegoat.
Wishing you strength and peace,
Fathom