Struggling with relapse
My partner has been in recovery since early this year. He relapsed three weeks ago and has been drinking on and off since (pretty much every weekend since). He's full of self pity and I'm trying so hard to stop myself from telling him how much of an a**hole I think he is.
Around June this year I had a miscarriage and tomorrow would have been my due date. Whilst I have come to terms with it all and get it does just happen etc I do feel a bit weird about tomorrow. It irritates me that I feel I can't feel how I want to feel right now and reflect about things peacefully because in the back of my mind I'm thinking about him and his issues.
For the first time in my relationship with him I'm actually thinking "mmm do I really want this life?". I felt happy and secure knowing he was sober, going to AA and generally being a decent person. This relapse is proving to be a challenge for me. In the sense that I'm struggling to keep cool and detached. Even hearing him snore so loudly right now (because he's been drinking all day) is making me want to scream.