My heart goes out to you. I too know what it's like to be with dr jekkyl/mr. hyde. First you think it's you, try to change yourself, little by little, to please him, in the hopes of doing so the guy you loved will return. When he doesn't, you chip away even more of yourself to find some semblance of 'normalcy'.
BTDT. Here to tell you that unless he works a really strong program, AND goes to intense counseling for what is at the root of his addiction, he will never be the man you want/love. My RA goes to meetings, seems good on the surface...but the irritation, anger, sullenness, blame shifting, and incredible meanness is now out there front and center. Most days I can barely remember that good hearted, sweet, kind person I fell in love with. It's truly unbelievable.
I've had no previous experience with dry drunk syndrome. It's crazy making for us, and there are no answers except to try to stay focused on YOU, and stop looking for answers to help them.
I hope you find peace. The holidays are hard without this added stress. You're in my prayers.