Thanks, lillamy (LOVE that character, btw). I have been going through some of the same stuff for the last week.
I also go a little further sometimes, by telling myself that maybe, even if I don't deserved it, I should have stood by him since he has so many problems and issues, such a rotten childhood, etc. I am embarrassed to tell my family about these thoughts, good to know I am not alone in this. Hugs!